Tuesday, September 23, 2014

some thoughts on this pregnancy and my ever-growing bump

I realize that this post is now out of order, but I wanted to include it anyway.  I started it before Everly was born, and never finished it.  

Since the very first time, I've always said I love being pregnant.  This time was certainly no exception.  It may not seem to anyone else that I am enjoying it though.  The first trimester was very similar to all the others: horrible morning sickness.  The difference this time was that it really wasn't just morning sickness, it was all-day sickness.  There were lots of days that I woke up feeling relatively well, only to be miserable by mid-afternoon.  And, just like all the other pregnancies, I was tired.  Not just a little tired.  More like, "I've been drugged and I can't keep my eyes open/if I don't take a nap now, I will actually die" kind of tired.  Lucky for me, the first trimester occurred during the coldest winter in (probably) the history of the world, the older boys were at school all day, and my two year old loves to nap.  So, that meant that I got to take a nap most every afternoon.  Because it was so cold, and I was so tired and sick, I often imagined what it would be like to be a bear and hibernate for a few months until the first trimester and the bitter cold were over.  
During all my other pregnancies, I would joke with Bart that it was a good thing I never had any mood swings like pregnant women often do.  Okay, I may have had a few, but definitely not very many.  This pregnancy I can say that I didn't have any mood swings.  You can't call it a mood "swing" if your mood just plummets to the bottom and doesn't rebound right?  I was so ornery!  Everything made me mad, or sad, or the things that should have made me mad, I was completely indifferent about.  The bizarre thing was, I felt happy about life in general, I just didn't like anyone or doing anything.  I did have to apologize to Bart and the kids on multiple occasions for saying something I didn't mean, and then feeling so bad about it later.  It made me wonder who or what had possessed my body and made me act that way, because I really didn't feel like myself at all.  
The second trimester was much better, as the sickness and the tiredness finally wore off.  I love being able to feel this tiny little life wiggling and kicking inside me.  That is always the thing I miss most when I am not pregnant.  I love that every time she moves, I feel like we are getting to know each other a little bit more, and that the physical communication between us is our own special secret.  
Once we found out that Baby Boots was a girl, it put me into full project mode.  I designed and decorated her nursery, made hair bows, and skirts, and shopped for tiny pink clothes.  I love the excitement that comes from such a special project, and I loved that I finally had the energy to be creative.
One thing that I made a priority this pregnancy that I hadn't before was going to the gym regularly.  There were days and weeks that I was too sick and tired to accomplish much, but I still went to the gym three times a week, and made dinner for my family most evenings.  A few times I puked at the gym because the morning sickness was so bad, but I still went.  It would have been easy to use the pregnancy as an excuse not to go, but I'm glad I went.  I was able to keep going until I was 35 weeks along.  By that time, I was waddling more than anything, and I figured that even doing chores around the house was as good of a workout as I was getting at the gym.  Plus, I was tired of being stared at the whole time I was at the gym.  What, you've never seen a very pregnant woman exercising before?
The third trimester, my energy disappeared again.  I would try to get one thing done in the morning, whether it was cleaning or organizing something, running an errand, or taking the kids somewhere fun.  But after that one big thing, my energy was pretty much zapped for the rest of the day.  The biggest problem was that the third trimester coincided with the boys' summer break.  I tried hard to be a good mom and make sure they were taken care of, and that we did a few fun, memorable things throughout the summer, but mostly I just wanted to sit on the couch, or sleep.  
The last few weeks, I started to get really impatient.  I had only been induced early before, so I had no idea if I would have her early or late, and I wasn't sure I liked not at least having an end date.  Plus, a few weeks before my due date, I finally felt ready for her to come join our family.  We had everything here prepared and ready for her to come, and I was so excited to meet her.  
Anyway, here is a visual of how I grew as she grew.  I've never been very good at taking pictures of myself while pregnant because I start to get really critical of how I look.  But, later as I look back at the few pictures I do have while pregnant with the boys, I cherish each photo.  So, this time I forced myself to take more pictures, and I'm happy I did.  
20 Weeks
 21 Weeks 
   22 Weeks
24 weeks
28 weeks

29 weeks shadow shot

31 Weeks

34 Weeks

At my baby shower
36 Weeks

I had so much fun enjoying my time with Krew during this pregnancy.  In some ways he still seems like a baby, and I know he won't once this baby is born.  He has been my sidekick for the past (nearly) three years, and love the special connection we share.  He is so excited for Baby Boots to come, and I'm excited to watch them together.  I took this photo while we waited at the doctor's office.  The sign by the door said, "Shhh," so he made sure I was being quiet.  Isn't he the most handsome two year old ever?  Those eyes!

37 Weeks
 39 Weeks, the day before my water broke.  I posted this photo on Instagram with the caption: I need an extra dose of patience, or for my water to break.  I didn't get any more patient, but a little over 24 hours later, my water did break!

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